... the dirty marks on the kitchen floor,
... the piles of floor rugs in the pail (I have three. That means I haven't washed it for three weeks),
... the countertop filled with pots (albeit clean ones)
... the once-white shelves that have turned grey with dust
... my feet that looked like they have been out on the roads without shoes on. Because the house is incredibly dusty.
I felt a sense of defeat.
That I wasn't doing my job as a SAHM well.
That "hey lady, you only had one job! The baby and the house!".
That "hey lady, you only had one job! The baby and the house!".
I posted this on my Facebook.
"Need to attend a course on "How to have a happy baby, and clean house, and healthy homecooked meals."
My friends who commented told me it's not possible. But I feel that there are moms out there who are able to do it. I searched for "a day in a life of a SAHM" in google because I know there will definitely be someone who post their schedule/ routine online. I found some and I read them - these moms who seem to have it all.
Then I realised the problem. A small problem.
My baby doesn't nap (much).
She will be very tired but she just can't fall asleep. AND she doesn't sleep early. Some friends who are mothers advised that I should "switch off the lights." since a couple of months ago. I understand that they were trying to help. But it got frustrating because my answer will always be the same.
J has no issue differentiating night and day.
In fact, I was surprised by how fast she was able to sleep through the night. We switch off the lights when we are in the bedroom at night but she would be playing and cuddling with us until she feels happy enough to go to bed.
Ugh.
So please stop telling me to switch off the lights.
Thankyouverymuch.
She will be very tired but she just can't fall asleep. AND she doesn't sleep early. Some friends who are mothers advised that I should "switch off the lights." since a couple of months ago. I understand that they were trying to help. But it got frustrating because my answer will always be the same.
J has no issue differentiating night and day.
In fact, I was surprised by how fast she was able to sleep through the night. We switch off the lights when we are in the bedroom at night but she would be playing and cuddling with us until she feels happy enough to go to bed.
Ugh.
So please stop telling me to switch off the lights.
Thankyouverymuch.
So, because my baby doesn't exactly nap and sleep early, I can't exactly do chore in between.
On good days, I can. When J plays quietly in her playpen, on her own, I get about 15 minutes to do whatever I need to. Sometimes, that meant choosing between toilet breaks and chores. Not kidding.
But she has been extra clingy lately. I guess that is what BabyCenter meant by "separation anxiety is at its peak."
Then I saw this article today. On Facebook.
I quote from the article:
“Sometimes it comes down between cleaning the house, and taking Tristan and Norah to the park. Or spending time having fun with them, or teaching them to read or write. Sometimes I can either do the dishes, or teach our son how to ride a bike, or our daughter how to walk. I’d rather do those things, frankly. I’d rather not be that mom who ignores our kids, and myself, because I’m so busy worrying about what the neighbors might think of our messy house.”
This paragraph made me feel guilty.
More guilty than when I didn't clean the house.
Most days, I'll ditch the chores to attend to my baby.
Some days it meant that I cuddle and play with her for two hours right before dinner prep and we have no dinner.
But lately, I realised I have been trying to keep her occupied while I try to cook dinner. Or mop the floor.
It was bad. She was sleep deprived and cranky for two whole days.
Today I decided to go back to my baby. I got lucky. She is on sleep-replenish mode so I managed to clear the rest of the backlog.
It was bad. She was sleep deprived and cranky for two whole days.
Today I decided to go back to my baby. I got lucky. She is on sleep-replenish mode so I managed to clear the rest of the backlog.
But tomorrow, from tomorrow, my baby comes first.
If I have to satisfy her needs, I will.
Dusty kitchen floors, I'm sorry if you have to take a backseat. I can clean you as many times and you will still get dirty. Dinners, I'm sorry but we can do takeaways.
My baby is only little once. And I quit my job to take care and (hopefully) develop my baby so it will really be dumb of me to give that up. Every second with my baby is precious and I know it will be time well-spent.
No comments:
Post a Comment