Separation Anxiety

When J turned nine months old a couple of days ago, I received this notification from BabyCenter.

Nah.

My baby won't display separation anxiety - she's okay with everyone!

Not.

Just a couple of days ago, I saw her sitting in her playpen, reading her cloth picture book. I say 'reading' because she was babbling and then she flipped a page and continued to babble as she stroked the picture of the penguin. I had wanted to take a video of her - it's mad adorable -  but my phone was charging so I thought, "Never mind. I'll take a video the next time she does it again."

Only that all of a sudden, she doesn't want to be in her playpen anymore.

The only place she wants to be at is my arms.

Okay. Maybe the playroom, but that doesn't last long either.

She would be extremely tired but she just somehow couldn't sleep.

I have no idea why.

It's hard.

I'm overwhelmed these couple of days.

I am typing this as I'm enjoying bread and a cup of Milo because I can finally eat with no pressure.

I know that a few months down the road, once J is enjoying her independence, I'm going to miss this attachment terribly.

But I also acknowledge that I am really tired and, sorry for the lack of vocabulary, overwhelmed.

A couple of days ago, I blogged about choosing my baby over household chores.

These few days, I don't even look at the chores.

These few days, I do a happy dance in my head when I get the opportunity to shower. Or go to the toilet.

Because J doesn't allow me to be out of her sight, and when I actually do get the opportunity to do so, I am not wasting a few seconds doing the actual happy dance.

Now that I've let it out of my system, I feel fine.

I love my baby.

I love what I'm doing.

I know I should probably leave my baby with someone else for a while and get some me-time, but ironically, I can't do that. 

Because I get separation anxiety too.