Making it better.

It's been more than one week since my last post.

During that one week, I read through articles on toddler discipline and temper tantrums.
I didn't specifically google them. They just showed up in my feed while I was trying to distract myself with Pinterest. It's amazing, yet a little creepy at the same time how Pinterest seem to "know".

I had a long post drafted. I didn't publish it because I wasn't quite done with editing yet.
It is a post about how the tips in the articles work.

Then we took a bus again.
I thought that J would sit still through the ride after the good experience I had once during that few days, and a pep talk from her grandparents. But nope. She started standing on my leg barely 5minutes after we left our stop.
So I guess the fancy post stays in the "Draft" folder.

But a couple of things I did learn though.


1. Stay calm.
This appears in almost all the articles I read. But this is also one of those "easier said than done" things to do. It's quite challenging to stay calm when your child is attempting gymnastics moves on a crowded bus. Or when she has already pulled off a too many strands of hair off your scalp. Or smacked you right in the face with your glasses on.

This takes a lot of conscious effort. For me, at least.
I have to take a deep breath and hold my tongue (and hands) before I do/say anything I might regret.
Some days I mentally bite my tongue so that I don't end up yelling.
Some days, I force myself to smile so that I don't end up with "STOPPPPPP!" *smack*

Staying calm does not make the toddler squirm less or behave better.
But staying calm did prevent the frustration from escalating.
I was once stupid enough to ask my toddler, nicely, if she would like to stay in the bus while mama goes home. I didn't get to sleep that night.

When I am calm, I noticed that J does listen a little better.
At least we are not engaged in a scream-yell-wail battle.



2. Recognise their feelings.
This is another one I see appearing in most articles.
I didn't realise how powerful it was until I tried it that day.

We were in the supermarket.
J pulled the typical toddler "scream-in-supermarket-and-trash-around" stunt, while pulling my spectacles off my face. I got really angry because I specially chose a pair of spectacles that can withstand smacking. Pulling, not so much.

She was already planking on my arms (think Superman pose) and I did contemplate pinching her to keep her quiet. I'm sorry I even had such thoughts. Thank goodness I stopped myself and remembered she hasn't eaten anything yet. I gave myself an imaginary smack on the head and asked her if she was hungry and sleepy. Surprisingly, she stopped whatever she was doing and gave me a sad look, followed by a nod.

"Okay. Mommy knows you are hungry so I'm going to make you some milk, alright?"
She asked for the stroller, softly. (Yes! No screaming!!)
"But we left the stroller at home. So let's go outside, Mommy make you some milk and I'll carry you when you drink, ok?"
*nods*
"Come, let me give you a hug."

And that's it.
A tight hug from her.
We made the milk.
She drank it.
NO. FUSS.

So powerful.


We tried it again a few times at the malls when we sensed a tantrum happening and it worked.
Sometimes, she would even remind herself "TT* don't cry."
*confetti*




3. Manage expectations.
This is, perhaps, the most important point for me to note.
It took so long for me to figure this out but better late than never.

I expected J to be Little Miss Prim-and-Proper, quiet in her seat throughout the bus ride.
I was one myself (quite!), so I think it is attainable.
I've also seen preschoolers who are capable of it.

That's probably where the problem lies.
I forgot that my daughter is a very active and extremely curious 20-month-old. Not a preschooler.
She's always on the go. (Sigh... I feel exhausted just typing this.)
She needs to move around.
She needs to look at that baby sitting across the aisle.
Or play with the lady sitting behind us.
Or catch the attention of the grandma a few seats back.

I remember reading somewhere that having a toddler in a confined space is recipe for crazy because at their age, they just. have. to. move.
I guess I'm pushing it a little to expect her to be well-behaved through two 50-minutes bus ride each day. After I got this right, the squirms and standing on the seat become a little more bearable.

We are still working on discipline, though, because I believe that eventually, she will have to learn to behave herself. But at least for now, there's less frustrations, I'm a lot happier and she is a lot happier.





* Among good friends and family, we call J "TT" so she calls herself that too.