When "I'm sorry" could be too much

J has a wooden ladybug toy. During our play previously, I've ever told her that she should not step or throw that toy because "ladybug will feel painful." 

Last night, she was holding onto the ladybug and playing with it over the play yard when she dropped it. J had a worried look on her face and kept going "Oh! Oh!" as she walked into the play yard, then she looked at the ground and continued going "Oh!", this time looking really sad. 

She bent down and picked the ladybug toy up ever so gently (as if it was badly injured), and looked at me with really sad eyes. I told her I'll give the ladybug a boo-boo kiss and it will get better. But she kept touching its red nose going "ohhhh :("

Did she think it was blood or something?

We had to give ladybug multiple kisses and ensure her it's really okay before trying to distract her with other toys.

*

I found a post in my draft folder talking about a similar topic. 
My momma guilt.
I had meant to publish this but in all busyness, I forgot to.

I don't know if I'm considered a strict parent but we have been modelling (is that the right word to use?) J's behaviour since she was a newborn. Sometimes it's intentional.

We let her sit on the parenting station since she was a month old and join us at the dinner table - I wanted to teach her that she should be seated at the table during mealtimes. 

We usually say "Thank you" each time we receive a favour but did it even more explicitly when J learnt to hand us objects.

I say "Please" to her when I needed a favour. I know some parents don't.

I apologise when I hit her accidentally, or when I let her dirty her diaper after she gave us the cue. I also know of some parents who never apologises.

Lately, I noticed that J is a child who feels guilty easily and I'm not sure if that's her character, or if I'm the one who cause it unknowingly.

1. We noticed her cue for pee after an incident at BabySPA. The first time she peed on the mat, we did what most adults would - we gasped and say "oh no!" The next time she did it, she lowered her head (to look at her pee) and went "Oh." I swear I saw a look of guilt on her face. She was only about eight months old.

2. J stuck her finger into my dad's nostrils during play recently and scratched it so bad, it bled. Grandpa was in pain and J looked guilty again. She didn't even want to go close to my dad after that. For that day.

3. She is into tearing lately, so when she tore some pages on the third book, I told her that books are for reading and she wasn't supposed to tear them. "Say "I'm sorry." to the books, darling." And she did. (She apologises by putting her hands behind her ears. Taught her that when she kept whacking her Daddy on his face, right where the spectacles are.)

One morning she accidentally ripped a piece of paper and she paused and looked at me - the "oh crap! I tore this paper" look. I was taken aback at that reaction. I know she's not supposed to tear books but tearing is a motor skill she is learning so I have to let her year something, somehow. So I had to explain to her that it's ok to tear this scrap piece of paper. "Mommy gave this to you for tearing."

4. J used to enjoy pulling the hairs on her daddy's leg elicit his gasps of pain. She finds it funny. Recently, when the husband gasps in pain, she stops completely and gives her sympathetic "ohh." (Signifying pain) 

5. J stepped on her aunt's packet of biscuits and crushed them. We tend to animate objects for imaginative play so she was told that the biscuits feel painful. Her lips turn downward immediately into a really sad :( , gave the "ohh" and looked at her aunt. We were not expecting such a response, it kind of threw us into panic. So we told her the biscuits would be fine after she sayangs them. She did, and hugged the packet of biscuits. 

Then she proceeded to hit herself (gently) on her cheeks. We didn't know why she was punching herself until the sister puts everything together, and I thought that might be it.

When J fell and hit her head on the floor, and was crying badly, my mum gently hit the floor. I'm not sure if it's an Asian thing but a lot of mothers do that. I told my family once that J picks things up fast because she gently bumped her head on the wall and the next time she walks past that spot, she gave the "ohh" signifying pain, and tapped on that spot on the wall. She "hits" whatever that caused pain. She caused the biscuits pain, so she hits herself.

I don't know if this happened because I'm making her apologise too much. But I realise that I have often, unintentionally, put my baby on a guilt-trip. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with this. Because each time we gasp/exclaim in pain (and that's a natural reaction), she will give a sympathetic and almost guilty look, whether she caused it or not. We don't even really dare to react from pain right now.

I'm not sure if I've done it wrong or right, and I am trying to fix things.

If you have any inputs, please share it with me. I'll gladly listen to them all because I'm learning.