(Really. At one point I thought I would crumble from exhaustion.)
The one year has been fun in general, watching J grow from a squishy, rather scrawny little bub to a healthy, happy, (and quite strong!) little girl. While celebrating J's milestones and growth, I also want to take this time to look through my challenges and fears during that period, and accept that this is really part of parenthood that everyone (well, probably everyone) have to go through.
Sleep. What sleep?
I remember I used to cry at the lack of sleep. For someone who requires at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep (then), the night feeds and waking up in the middle of the night to baby's slightest movement was a little too much to bear. I thought my maternal instincts would ease me in that transition but no, I wasn't able to keep awake. Most days, I wasn't able to function properly at all.
I still remember crying to two-month-old J, pleading for just a shut-eye. She was sweet enough to let me nap for at least half an hour. No fuss, no cries. Just lying in her cot, looking at whatever is around, until I woke.
I'm lucky to have my mom come every other day to take over baby duties just so I can take a proper nap in the afternoon and recharge myself. She has to take the bus here early in the morning so I really, really appreciate what she has done for me.
I later learnt to sleep while feeding J. And she obviously didn't drink much then, because my supply was insufficient. And that was how she needs to suckle to sleep from then on. Hello Binky!
My baby is not eating. Much.
I have had a few comments about how skinny J was. Especially when I was hanging out with my neighbour's girl who is a month older, and eats really well. It was exasperating because that was the same period of time where I was fighting so hard to feed my girl breastmilk instead of relying on formula milk. Every other time, I find myself searching on "My baby doesn't eat" in hope to get some solutions.
Thankfully, we brought her 'swimming' and she got hungry and drank more
Also, thankfully I stopped insisting and converted her to formula milk. She cried less after that so I reckoned she hasn't really been well-fed before that.
My baby doesn't really sleep a lot.
J still doesn't really sleep much. And I have long given up on Google searches.
If she is happy and growing well, then I guess she is sleeping enough?
Right?
I have to take baby out? How?
How am I supposed to deal with diaper changes?
Or milk feeds?
The initial days of trying to take J out was extremely challenging. I had to convince myself to get out of the house. I was afraid I would forget the essentials. Like diapers, the pacifier, shawls for breastfeeding. Then I was afraid I couldn't handle J if she cries in public and I'm alone.
But I was lucky to have a neighbour who is extremely encouraging, took me out of my comfort zone, and who showed me it is really okay to take a baby out. The BabySPA sessions also kind of 'forced' me to go out, somehow. The staff there was encouraging, and so, after two to three weeks, it was actually a breeze.
I'm glad to say that I can prepare milk for J anywhere now. I've even tried doing so with one hand. Circus!
And we can now go anywhere!
I'm happy I've kind of overcome them.
I'm now bracing myself for the terrible twos.
Bring it on!
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