A letter to my sister, my girl pals, and my future self

This post is dedicated to:

My beloved (if you are still reading this blog), 

My dear friends (W, S, J, P, and A - you know who you are), and

My future self

There are so many things during pregnancy and the early days of parenthood I wish I knew.

 

Try to stay calm in the event you are about to deliver. 

My water bag broke.

Both mothers panicked. I could totally sense it in their voices.

The husband was clearly trying his best to stay calm but I knew he was nervous too. I had to stay as calm as I could. I kept telling myself " Oh, it's nothing!" Especially when I was in the loo and I hear that the lady next door was going to the operation theatre. Emergency c-sect. 

Holy moly.

Not the best thing to hear after knowing someone who went through that. 

But I do know that panicking won't help either.

Giving birth does hurt.

I'd be lying if I say it doesn't. But the pain is rather bearable. At least, it was for me this time.

One thing that does work though: Believe in yourself. Believe you can do it and you can. 

Sidenote: Unless you enjoy anticipating pain, make sure the husband doesn't do a commentary while looking at the contraction chart.
"It's (the contraction) coming..." will probably be something you won't want to hear.

Apparently, I gave the hubby the death stare while he did that.


Make sure you get to eat a little something before you push.
You won't be fed until many many hours later, depending on how long the labour took. I'm glad mine was considered pretty short.
I requested for a snack at 3 and only ate again at 10. But they no longer had meals so I had to survive on hot milo and some crackers until breakfast the next morning.
I was miserable because I was so hungry. Imagine feeling the pain after labour and gastritis attacks at the same time.

Things may not go your way.

You can read a thousand and one articles to prepare yourself, and receive tonnes of advice, but there will be always be some 'surprises'. There is probably no way you can be 100% prepared.

I wrote a fancy letter to the husband instructing him on the things he should do while I'm in labour. Like

"Stroke my head and encourage me."

"Be my slave, be my clown."

He followed it to the tee and tried to cheer me up while I was in labour. But all I wanted at that time was for him to shut up. 

He told me I signalled for him to keep quiet so he decided it's best to keep his mouth shut.

Turned out the letter to him was useless after all.

You will need the support of family and friends.

This is so important for at least the first two months.

I won't be able to manage if my mum wasn't helping out. I even had to call her over to look after baby after my confinement just so I can sleep.

And friends..

I had to spend the first night without the husband with me because we couldn't get a single room. It was mad lonely and I was a little traumatised, so I couldn't sleep. (I shut my eye and see my gynae stitching me up. How can I fall asleep like that?!) 

Thank goodness I had J to keep me company via texts. (Staying in different timezones helped!) 

Having virtual conversations with my besties helped maintain my sanity throughout the first couple of weeks as well.

Momma instincts may not set in until a few days later.

All this while, I've wanted to be a mother. Yet when the little one arrived, I took a while to get used to her being in my house.

For the first week, I constantly thought to myself, " Why is this baby in my room?"

How horrible as a mother.

I also refused to change the wallpaper on my mobile phone. I couldn't quite accept that I will no longer have our couple shot as the wallpaper.

That said, once it all settled in, I have no other photos except those of my baby's in my camera roll.

So give yourself time.

If you feel the same way ("who is this??"), I'm pretty sure you are normal.

Momma instincts can take a while to set in.

Babies undergo growth spurt.

And the first would on day three.

The day you return from the hospital.

I didn't know that.
I didn't even know that babies will have growth spurts and when that happens, they tend to feed more.
So when Baby was crying for milk every other hour on Day Three, I got exasperated. I didn't know why she was fussing. And I didn't know how to pacify her. I felt like a really terrible mother and the blues set in. Thankfully the husband was very supportive so the blues went away fast.

Jaundice is common.

My dear friends have forewarned me on this.

And I knew it is common.

But when Baby had to be admitted for jaundice, I just broke down. 

I sobbed all the way from the clinic to the nursery. And back home. And while at home. 

I believed I could be strong but when it really happens, momma tears will fall.

And that too, is perfectly normal. And perfectly okay.

Don't speak too soon.

Before Lil' J is born, I had all these fancy, idealistic thoughts.

"No. Don't rock my baby to bed."

"My baby will not need a pacifier."

"Ah yes, we'll be using nappies the old school way. I'll toilet train her like how my parents did it when I was a newborn. No biggie."

Well, now we rock Lil' J to sleep becuse that's the only way to soothe her when she was a newborn. What I try to do is to put her in bed before she falls asleep, hopin she will learn to lull herself to sleep.

She takes the binky too. Better the pacifier than the fingers.

And there is simply no time and energy at the moment to predict her pee and poo times.

Motherhood is not a bed of roses. But you'll get by.

It is not easy.

Lil' J drives me nuts sometimes. Even now after four months, I still can't quite get her at times. 

But I always remind myself to count my blessings. She sleeps through the night and is a relatively easy baby to care for.

Parenthood is something we don't and can't learn in school.
Whatever advices given to us, we have to remember that each child is different.
So there's no cookie cutter way in bringing up a child to his/her best potential.
We learn along the way, and we make mistakes, and then, we learn again.

And finally, something I came across in Pinterest which I thought is really meaningful.