Watching you sleep like that, I hope I've been a good momma thus far.
It hasn't been easy.
When you cry, should I let you cry it out or cuddle you? Some people say that frequent cuddles will spoil you, but others say I should respond to your needs.
I'm not sure but I can't bear to hear you wail.
If it's a genuine cry, I'll rush to you and pick you up immediately, giving you my tightest hug. I want you to know that Mommy is here for you. And I'll be here for you. Always.
When you are hungry and refuse the bottle, I get worried. I know you won't be full just being on breast milk alone. I know that because you don't pee much. When you wail the moment the bottle teat touches your mouth, my heart breaks. I wish I'll have more supply so feeding won't be such a struggle for you.
Now as I watch you sleep, I know you need the pacifier. You fidget and turn your face towards the mattress. But I also want you to learn to fall asleep without sucking on the pacifier. Or your fingers. I'm glad you understood that you shouldn't suck on your fingers. And I wonder if depriving you of the pacifier too is too harsh. When I see you struggle to sleep like that, it pains me. But at the same time, I know you are learning.
It's just been two months.
I hope I'm a good momma.
I'm still learning.
And I love you lots.
Love,
Mommy
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