21 October 2013
I fed my baby formula milk before taking her to the paediatrician.
I had to supplement her with formula milk at the hospital because my milk supply hasn't kicked in. The nurses fed her.
It's different this time round.
As much as I told myself (and my friends) that I'm open to supplementing with formula milk, it's different when I'm the one feeding her.
Today I had to feed her formula milk because I was worried about my supply and I had not nursed without my nursing pillow before.
Today I couldn't feed my baby when she got hungry.
I forgot that Baby will have difficulty latching on if I don't pump to draw out my nip. She got so hungry waiting at the clinic. I tried to nurse her and failed.
She wasn't able to draw any milk. And she was wailing. Wailing so bad.
I had to get milk from the nursery because I was so desperate.
I had insisted on not feeding with a bottle. I gave in.
Today my baby has to be admitted for jaundice.
I know it's rather common.
But leaving my baby at the hospital just breaks my heart.
I know she will be well taken care of.
I know its good opportunity to catch up
on sleep.
I know that it'll be a good time for me to build up my milk supply, and for baby to build up her appetite.
But for the first time, I won't be able to cuddle my baby before I sleep.
Today, my heart broke.
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